When Life Gives you Lemons
by Bloopa
Summary: Taking an innocent walk can do so many things, including winding up in Hobbiton with no idea where to go. When Dixie faces this very event, can she take up the courage of helping a group of dwarves, befriending a hobbit, and having one troll her the entire time?
1. Hikes Make Your Day Shitty

"Fuck my life!" I screamed as loud as I could. I had gone on an innocent stroll and had ended up in God knows where. I should've been happy because it looked so happy and peaceful, but I was really in the mood to read some fanfiction, and I couldn't do that in a fucking meadow!

I cursed out loud again, beginning to walk back the way I came, or so I thought. I was still fuming mad when I reached a small little town, but for some reason it looked familiar. The little houses were built underground almost, like little tunnels, and green grass covered them prettily. Where the fuck had I seen these before?

"Jesus Christ," I whispered. "I'm on the set of the Hobbit," I said as it finally clicked.

"Excuse me miss, but what did you say?" I heard a small voice. I shrieked and turned to see a very short man carrying what looked to be carrots.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Badger Pipdragon," he smiled, bowing to me.

"What kind of name is that?" I asked, my eyebrows rising.

"A name my mother gave to me, so it must be good," he smiled again. "Would you do the grace of telling me your name?" He inquired.

"Um, my name is…" I didn't want to give him my real name, seeing as he could call Peter and sue me for fucking up their movie, so instead I blurted what first came to me.

"Winn Dixie, but my friends call me Dixie."

"Well, what a strange name indeed," he tsked, turning away.

"Wait! Could you tell me how to get off the set, like is there a phone I could borrow?" I asked, making wild hand gestures.

"Set? What's a phone?" he asked again, turning around to face me.

"Oh for the love of God, please don't play stupid! I know this is the cast of the Hobbit, hence the little Hobbit holes, and you're probably an extra, because you look like one, a hobbit, I mean, and I need a phone because it's dark and I don't want to be stuck out here and die in New Zealand," I whined. Plus, if this was the cast of the hobbit, knowing my luck, I'd probably run into a major character and choke up and throw up my intestines all over them.

"I don't know if you were smoking a bit too much pipe weed miss, or if you're sick, but I do not know what you mean by calling me an extra, New Zealand, or a phone," he said again, turning around again, this time a little faster.

"Don't leave! I have to know where the fucking phone is!" I ran to grab his arm, but the little man shrieked in fright and raced away.

"God dammit," I growled, racing after him.

(Thorin's POV)

I watched in amusement as the Hobbit was being snapped at by Gandalf. I hoped he wouldn't join, seeing as he looked rather skimpy and hardly burglar material. I was about to discuss this with Balin, when the door was suddenly rapped on very hard and frantically. My brows rose. Surely Gandalf hadn't gotten a 15th member as well.

"Master Bilbo! Master Bilbo! Help me, please!" came a quick muffled reply. Bilbo's eyes widened and he raced to the door.

"Badger, what on earth is the matter?" he asked as the other Hobbit quickly ran inside.

"A girl is following me," he breathed. I watched Gandalf as he smiled.

"About time," chuckled Bilbo. Fili and Kili laughed, but this Badger hobbit seemed to be truly frightened.

"No! She's nuts, bickering about phones and sets and a New Zealand. I haven't a clue what she means, but she tried to grab me!" The Hobbit wheezed. I glanced at Gandalf, who had an amused look. Not two breaths later, another rapping on the door came and the Hobbit, Badger, shrieked and dove behind Bilbo. Gandalf went to answer the door, and when he did, I was shocked.

She was very beautiful. That was my first impression. Not beautiful enough to be an elf, but for that I was happy. At first I was very pleased to see the woman in the doorway, but that was before she opened her mouth.

"Badger Pipdragon! I need a fucking…" she was cut off very suddenly when she spotted us.

"Holy. Fucking. Jesus." She breathed. "Sorry, I'll be on my way!" She cried out as she turned abruptly, but not before Gandalf gripped the back of her shirt suddenly and yanked her back.

"Oh Christ, lord have mercy, please don't tell Peter, I'll leave, can I just borrow a phone!" She whimpered her eyes wide and scared.

"Gandalf, let her go," I demanded. Her eyes widened when she saw me, and her knees seemed to buckle, before she sprinted away from Gandalf and tried to go to the door, but a quick trip and she smacked into the floor. She rolled over and tried to get up again but Kili had notched an arrow.

"Please don't kill me!" she cried, and I noticed a tear run down her cheek.

"Kili! Lay down your arms," I growled.

"Kee-Ki-Kili? You called him Kili, and you called him Gandalf!" she said, her eyes widening. Her hands began to shake rapidly.

"Are you alright, miss? I'm sorry about earlier," smiled Badger, reassuringly.

"If you're Kili, and you're Gandalf," she whispered, pointing to them. "Then that means…fuck," she whimpered, before she slumped on the ground and fainted.

"At least I'm not the only one," grumbled Bilbo.

**Author's note: So this is a new story, and I don't really know where it's going to go from now, but all I know is that it is with strong language, (you have been warned), and a failed attempt at humor. So this is going to be from mainly the point of Dixie, but with some other views, such as our majestic King and Bilbo. I don't know if I want to include Badger in all the other chapters, so please let me know or not if you like him, he's an OC as well. Feel free to review, the more reviews the quicker I write, and maybe the story might really take off. It's all because of Winn Dixie…see what I did there? Ha ha, failed attempt at humor again, I'll stop. Enjoy! **


	2. Dreams Gone Wrong

(Dixie's POV)

"What a fucked up dream," I giggled, sinking into my covers more, feeling the sun on my face. It may have been the weirdest dream I've encountered, but if Thorin or Richard Armitage was in it, I'd take it. I was suddenly a little displeased with myself that I came out as a loser instead of a sexual dynamo who was screaming for pleasure of the flesh. Before my body could begin to convulse, the scent of bacon and apples wafted from the kitchen and my mouth watered.

"Mommy knows what's up," I smiled, hopping from bed. Before you judge, sure, I may be 22, but when your mom cooks the best bacon your mouth has ever tasted, then you have permission to stay as long as you fucking want.

I didn't glance around, for the sleep was still in my eyes and I rubbed them frantically, hoping I wouldn't bounce into anything.

I heard a lot of male voices, and my brows rose. Mom must've had company over, or she became a slut. Either one made me giggle and I tromped in the kitchen, still rubbing my eyes when I bumped into a body.

"Mommy, you've become a slut!" I giggled hugging her. I heard a sudden gasp, and a big roar of laughter that didn't sound like mom at all. I opened my eyes and screamed when I saw who I had just hugged, and came into contact with a burning glare that had me backing up.

"Mom fucked Richard Armitage!" I quickly turned and tried to run, but I saw the rest of the laughter and my eyes widened even more when I saw Dean O'Gorman, Aidan Turner, Graham McTavish, and fucking Ian Mckellen!

"Jesus Christ, it wasn't a dream!" I slapped a hand to my forehead and sunk onto the floor.

"Dixie, are you alright?" I heard a little voice and turned to see Badger hopping after me.

"Badger, you idiot! Why would you bring me here?" I whined.

"Miss, I didn't bring you hear, I ran here, and you happened to follow," he smiled.

"Peter's going to call my dad, then my mom, then Obama, and I'm going to be on national television because I messed up his fucking movie! I can't believe I spent the night in the hobbit hole of Bilbo fucking Baggins on the set!" I turned around, looking for a phone, when I remembered last night's turn of events.

"Oh shit," I murmured. I saw their worried and confused expressions, Kili and Fili laughing a bit, while Thorin looked pissed off as hell.

"You don't know what the fuck I just said," I trailed off.

"No, it would appear not, Miss Dixie," explained Gandalf, who was smoking a pipe in the corner.

"What's a phone?" piped up Kili.

"The thing you shove up your ass when you're in big shit," I mumbled.

"Really?" he asked while his eyebrows rose.

"Fuck no! It's a thing you call someone if you need help, you call their number and they answer!" By this time I was flapping my arms around, looking like a duck on acid. If Azog came in the door right now, I'd probably rip off his arm and kill myself with it to save me from more humiliation. I actually giggled at that. I FUCKING GIGGLED AT THAT! Jesus Christ, I was laughing like an idiot now.

"Master Badger is this woman a friend of yours?" questioned Thorin, folding his arms.

"Friend? Oh, no, no, _no_, more of a pity," he answered.

"Wait, what? Badger! You're my number one homie!" I whined. I was practically heaving now from the look on his face, giggling even more. I swear, if I had laughed more, my uterus was going to rip from me and fly onto Thorin's face. Of course that visual made me laugh even more.

"I'm pretty sure she was smoking a bit too much, and obviously the affects haven't worn off quite yet," Badger sighed.

"Badger, where did you say you found her?" questioned Gandalf.

"I found her staring at the home of Lilly Atwater, but she was right outside of Hobbiton," smiled Badger.

"My dear, if you don't mind me asking, but what exactly are you?" asked Gandalf. I stopped giggling and stared at him.

"I'm a girl," I nodded. Thorin snorted, and I suddenly realized Gandalf meant what race I was.

"Oh, shit, you mean, like race?" I responded. He nodded his mouth quirking.

"Um, I think I'm a human," I said, patting my ears, to find the tips not pointed, and my feet weren't entirely big, and I didn't have a beard to be a dwarf.

"Nonsense, you're much too short to be a human," explained Fili. I glared at him.

"I'm perfectly normal," I snapped. Thorin snorted again, probably laughing at the normal part. I swear, if he snorted again, his nose would just suck in his face.

"Miss Dixie, I would have to agree with him on this one. You're taller, by an inch, than a normal dwarf, and you don't have pointed ears or big feet, or even a beard. But you can't be human, most humans are taller, and I don't think one would be lurking around Hobbiton," Badger piped up.

"Number 1, Badger, I wasn't lurking. Number 2, some humans are much shorter than your average basketball player, and finally, number 3, I didn't even mean to be in Hobbiton!" I screeched.

"Miss Dixie, you could perhaps be a mix between a human and another race," nodded Gandalf, motioning with his pipe. I crossed my arms, glaring at him.

"Where I come from, there aren't dwarves, elves, or hobbits, only humans, so sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm human," I snapped.

"3 Gold coins she isn't!" Fili called.

"3 she is!" joined in Kili.

"I'm with Fili!" smiled Bofur.

"Are you guys seriously betting on my race?" I asked, suddenly thinking of all the racism going around this little Hobbit hole. And to think it was about peace and happiness.

"The lads enjoy a good bet," winked Bofur. Thorin muttered a curse under his breath.

"We ought to leave soon, with our burglar or without," he snarled, pacing around the room.

"Fuck, I forgot we were going!" I laughed. He stopped suddenly and turned.

"Yes, _my company and I_ are going, there is no we. You and Badger are staying here, and if you want Bilbo to keep you company during your hallucinations, then be my guest, but just because you smoked too much and ended up in this Hobbit hole does not make you a part of this quest," he growled, glaring at me, before he stalked away.

"Holy shit," I murmured.

"4 Gold coins she will join us!" laughed Fili. I slapped a hand to my forehead.

"Fuck my life."

**Author's note: So this story is kind of a Mary Sue, but I really hope it will get better, and eventually be something you actually want to read. I honestly don't blame you if you think this thing is shit, but I hug anyone who actually likes it. Feel free to review, it seriously helps with writing, and I will take note of any constructive criticism you guys have for me. And I know I said this in the first chapter, but let me know if you guys want Badger to stay in the story, because I don't really know what to do with him. He's an OC as well as Dixie. I'll try to write up to your expectations. Thanks! **


	3. Chat with Badger

(Dixie's POV)

The dwarves were outside packing their ponies and whistling softly while Badger was practically itching to wake up Bilbo and tell him to pick up his ass and go.

"Badger, I don't think he wants to go," I muttered, my eyes narrowing as his feet began to bounce in his lap.

"But Dixie, he is a Took! Even Gandalf knows that, I know if he doesn't join this, he'll regret it."

"Why do you care?" I asked, looking down at him.

"Miss Dixie, Bilbo Baggins and I have been friends for quite some time now. I know him almost better than he knows himself, and that includes the fact that I know he would hate to miss this adventure," he smiled at me.

"Jesus, you're like a married couple," I shook my head. Badger glared at me.

"Miss Dixie, we are to be on our way, it was a pleasure to meet you, and good day," smiled Gandalf, bowing his head low.

"You too Ian," I waved. He cocked a brow but I kept a straight face, only giggling when he turned to mount his horse and lead the company off. I was too preoccupied with watching the dwarves leave that I never noticed Badger bouncing his foot a little too much, ending up with his foot knocking the table and sending the pretty white teapot crashing to the table.

"Badger! You idiot! Fuck, Bilbo's going to hang us for this one," I snapped. Badger's cheeks were flushed red, and he glanced at the ground. I noticed his shoulders began to shake and I suddenly felt very bad.

"Oh, um, Badger, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, really, it was an accident," I cooed, putting a hand awkwardly on his shoulder. His shoulders began to shake even more, and I almost felt like crying, but then I noticed he was biting his lip, and when he looked back at me, it wasn't tears I saw in his eyes, but laughter.

"Badger, you dumbass," I snapped, playfully hitting his shoulder.

"Had you worried for a minute, didn't I Miss Dixie?" he smiled, cocking a brow.

"Cheeky bastard," I grumbled. He chuckled and turned away. I bent to pick up the pieces, and he crouched down to help me as well. It wasn't until we were done that I heard the soft padding of feet.

"I heard the sound of something breaking, is everything alright?" asked Bilbo, sneaking his way around the corner. It suddenly registered that Badger had broken the stupid teapot to wake Bilbo. I glared at him, and he caught my eye, a humorous glint in his.

"Jesus Christ," I said.

"So they left?" whispered Bilbo, playing with the fringe of the tablecloth.

"Yep, cleaned up everything and went on their merry way," I smiled. "Off to go hunt little Beasty and reclaim their 'long forgotten gold.'" I said in my totally awesome movie voice. I'm kidding. Bilbo was looking at me kind of funny, and I realized I must not be the only one to think I'm fucked up.

"What's wrong, I grow a third head or something?" I asked.

"You already have two?" asked Badger, his eyes widening.

"My little one," I said winking. Poor Badger had no idea what I was saying, but hey, if I was going to be stuck in Middle Earth, my pervert side was going to come out eventually to make this whole experience worthwhile.

"How did you know what the quest was for?" inquired Bilbo, his look challenging me. Shit. I completely forgot I was supposed to be a high asshole, and had possibly just given myself away. There had to be something I could say. I thought back to all the fanfictions I read, thinking of something the narrator did to save their asses from being kicked from the group.

"Oh, yeah, about that, I can actually see the future," I waved my hand nonchalantly, a smug smile crossing my lips. Technically it wasn't a lie. I _had _seen the movie, and read the book, so I knew what to expect.

"Isn't that impossible, I mean, how can you? Oh, wait, tell me my future!" smiled Badger. **FUCK YOU BADGER, I WAS SUPPOSED TO COME ACROSS AS THE AMAZING AND TALENTED DIXIE, BUT NOW YOU FUCKED UP MY CHANCES. SHIT, BILBO IS LOOKING AT ME, EXPECTING AN ANSWER. FUCK YOU BADGER PIPDRAGON!**

Of course I didn't say that. Although, in my head, it was that and me imagining the fifteen ways I could kill Badger without letting Bilbo know.

"Dixie?" he asked, a small frown marring his face. I closed my eyes, looking like I was concentrating, and began waving my hands in a bullshit manner, practically swiping his eyes out.

"Bilbo, you, and I will join the quest of Thorin Oakenshield," I said in my most dramatic voice I could muster. I'm pretty sure if I were on acid, I would be saner than right now.

I opened my eyes and Badger was staring at me impressed.

"Wow," he breathed. Wait what? Did I just impress little Badger with my fucked up voodoo skills? I noticed Bilbo was staring at me impressed as well, and I suddenly held myself up a little taller. If this is what it took to impress hobbits, I was fucking golden.

"But there's one small problem," Bilbo frowned. I sighed. I already knew what was coming.

"I don't want to go on the quest." He stated, before standing and walking away. He left the room, without as so much of a goodbye or a 'don't fucking break another one of my teapots.'

"What a rude little man," I sneered.

"Hobbit," corrected Badger.

"Do I look like I give a shit?" I snapped at him. He looked away, fiddling with his hands again.

Badger and I were sitting outside of Bilbo's house underneath the tree. Before you go any further, let me say Badger was the one following me. I had no intention of smoking with him, but he kept walking after me like a little puppy dog, and it was kind of cute. And it didn't hurt that I knew absolutely no one here, so one little Hobbit could definitely help boost my self-esteem.

"Badger, do you have a family?" I asked, suddenly a little worried he left his family at home to party with dwarves and a fucked up girl.

"Nope," he simply stated.

"Hm, I suspected you would, given your age and everything," I smiled.

"And what do you believe my age is?" he asked, glaring at me. I gave him a once over, focusing on his brown eyes to his dark brown hair, and big hairy feet.

"I want to say 24," I coughed. He began chuckling so hard that he started inhaling smoke even more and began to choke that I had to pound his back like he was going through some painful labor contractions.

"24? Really? You think I'm 24?" he asked, laughing again. He wiped a tear from his eye.

"Well, yeah, or maybe 28 if it's really bad," I waved my hand again.

"Miss Dixie, you know nothing of Hobbits," he chuckled.

"Well, tell me, how old are you?" I demanded. He looked at me before replying.

"Miss Dixie, I am 74." I began choking, and this time he had to pound my back.

"Jesus Christ, you look good for someone who's 74," I coughed again. He looked a little taken aback, and also a little worried.

"Oh don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm not hitting on you," I snorted.

"Miss Dixie, I do not know what 'hitting on' is, but I can assure you, I am still pleased you think I look good," he smiled. I laughed a little. I was about to relax in the shade when the door burst open and flung to hit the side of the hobbit hole, practically causing me to have a heart attack and a seizure at the same time. Seriously. It was that bad.

"Jesus Christ!" I screamed. I saw a blur of red and black and brown sprint ahead of Badger and I, only to race ahead.

"Was that Bilbo?" asked Badger with a concerned look.

"I am afraid it was," I sighed.

"Where do you suppose he was going?" asked Badger again, nodding in the direction of Bilbo.

"Well, either he just recently joined the 50 meter dash, or he signed the contract," I stated.

"Do you think we should follow him?"

"I suppose we better," I barely finished, before Badger had collected his bag from his side and raced after him.

"Fucking hobbits," I growled. Second time in 24 hours I had to chase after the little Bastards. And I'm sure it wouldn't be the last time.

**Author's Note: So this chapter was a little longer, although I can't guarantee they'll all be this long. And I know this chapter got up really fast after the first two, and I also can't guarantee that'll happen. It kind of depends on my motivation or not, and plus I'll be gone four days this week, and I won't have my laptop handy. I might try to crack one out tomorrow, but it'll probably have to wait until next week. So until then, have a good week, and thanks for reading!**


	4. Secrets

It wasn't long before Badger and I caught up with Bilbo, but by the time we actually did, he had already met up with the dwarves. He was panting and had his weight on one leg, watching as Balin read the contract carefully.

"Bilbo! You did it!" laughed Badger, clapping his hands happily. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but smile when Balin winked at us as well.

"Well, I have to admit, it must be the Took side in me," he smiled awkwardly at the group who was now staring at him in wonder.

"Little bird's flying from the nest," I whispered dreamily, placing my hand on my heart. Bilbo raised a brow, while Badger stomped on my foot.

"Give him a pony, the other two can leave," growled Thorin, twisting in his saddle. At the same moment Bilbo said, "What, no, that won't be necessary," I practically blew a fuse from the bossing around and the order given by the sass master.

"I beg your pardon? I will not just turn around and leave, I sprinted here with Badger, who should be allowed to stay as well, and go on your quest because we can actually help!" I barked, grinding my teeth.

"Actually, bring the other hobbit, we could use two burglars," replied Thorin, smirking at me.

"But I can help!" I whined, looking to Gandalf to hope maybe he would stick up for me.

"Can you fight?" Asked Thorin.

"With a sword?" I asked. I was such an idiot.

"No, with a ham, yes with a sword!" snarled Thorin sarcastically. I rolled my eyes.

"I haven't used one before, but…"

"Can you follow others well, and get to safety when in danger?" he asked, piercing me with daggers with his eyes. Thorin Oakenshield, ever the diva.

"I can run to save my ass, yes, but I don't do well with being ordered around, as you can see," I muttered.

"If you are unwilling to follow orders, and can't fight, you are useless," he sighed, turning around again and motioning for the others to follow. I suddenly felt like crying, and all I wanted was to get back to my apartment and sip hot chocolate and look at Tumblr, but here I was being judged by a group of shitty dwarves. I had thought if I were ever to see Middle Earth it would be awesome and everyone would love you, but it seemed Middle Earth was just a big pain in the ass like Earth.

"Wait, she can see the future!" Cried out Badger suddenly, thrusting a finger in my direction. My head shot up in surprise when the group stopped to stare at me, wondrous and some doubtful expressions met my eyes.

"Really? Do tell," puffed Gandalf, smiling at me, his eyes suddenly much brighter.

"Yeah, she predicted Bilbo and I were going to join this adventure, and look, it happened!" smiled Badger, staring at me as if I just won the lottery.

"If you can tell the future, then you should know it's best not to argue, because you're not joining anytime soon," sassed Thorin, challenging me.

"No, she can tell you anyone's future, and seems to know a lot of stuff. I bet if you had her tag along, she could even help with telling you where to go and what to do," nodded Badger and Bilbo, who surprisingly was actually sticking up for me. I pretty much wanted to cuddle them now for their help. I could practically see the gears in Thorin's head tick along, but his expression never changed.

"Perhaps the hobbits are correct, Thorin, after all, she seems to have a stubborn attitude, and a temper, it could help in battle," replied Gandalf. I wasn't sure whether to be offended or happy. Thorin glared at the wizard.

"Very well, but just remember, girl," he spat. "If you dare do anything stupid, or get in our way, then it shall be your last mistake," he finished. I refrained from rolling my eyes again. Badger raced to Bilbo's pony and hopped on, chuckling as the two talked. I stared as the company began moving along again, when I suddenly realized something.

"Excuse me, but do you mind telling me where my pony is?" I asked, looking for a spare.

"We had no intention of bringing you along, therefore, we have no extra pony," explained Thorin.

"But Badger is sharing with Bilbo!" I whined.

"Then that is your problem indeed," glared Thorin again, purposefully urging his pony to a brisk walk to avoid me. I glared at the ground.

"My lady, it would seem you are in the need of a noble steed," I heard a voice. I turned up to see Fili and Kili with outstretched hands to either of their ponies.

"Oh, um, thanks guys," I smiled.

"So, who do you want to share with?" asked Fili, shoving his hands in his pockets and smiling wildly. Kili had his hands outstretched to a brown shaggy one, and I suddenly felt very awkward.

"Um, does it matter?" I asked, suddenly chastising myself. It wasn't every day a fangirl got the chance to share a pony with either one of her favorite characters, not to mention extremely good looking also.

"Of course it does," chuckled Kili. "While you could be bored and discuss politics with my brother, you could see the world with me and discuss pranks and good natured stories," he smiled, twirling in a circle.

"I don't discuss boring politics," growled Fili, staring at the floor.

"Oh sure, try to explain that to Bofur," grinned Kili. I watched them nervously, unsure how to act in this situation, when I felt a slight tugging on my arm. I turned to see Ori with a very shy face gesturing to his pony. I grinned and whispered my thanks when he helped me up to sit with him. Kili and Fili stared angrily at Ori, who only blushed even more when I said,

"Thank you my fair prince, from saving me from the trolls." I laughed when Kili and Fili muttered a curse and playfully shoved each other as they mounted their own ponies.

Ori was actually a very nice companion to ride with. I discovered he loved to draw, suddenly captivating my attention as he also said he liked to record things and write stories. We playfully discussed stories about each other, and kind of kept to ourselves. I was actually about to doze off when Thorin dismounted his pony and motioned to the large slab of rock on the edge of the cliff that we would rest here. Ori helped me dismount, and we unpacked the pony together. It was then that I sat on the small wall of rock that the two princes quickly flanked my sides, sitting down with me.

"So, Miss Dixie, you never really answered our earlier question. If you could ride with either one of us, who would it be?" asked Kili. I suddenly blushed, thinking he meant something totally different. Fili chuckled at my blush and I quickly tried to stand before Kili gently grabbed my wrist.

"I'm sorry if we made you uncomfortable Miss Dixie, please don't leave," smiled Kili. He gave an impression of a puppy dog look, and I laughed and sat back down between them. We ate our stew, telling bad jokes, but I hardly understand any of theirs, and they hardly understood any of mine. That was what was so funny. In particular, they couldn't understand the 'why did the chicken cross the road?' joke.

Most of the company had drifted off to sleep, Fili and Kili resting their heads on my shoulders, when I noticed Bilbo quietly rise and give an apple to his pony. I smiled, but jumped also when I heard a loud scream in the night.

"What was that?" asked Bilbo, his eyes widening. Kili glanced around worriedly before answering:

"Orcs," my insides suddenly grew colder and I began to shiver.

"Orcs?" repeated Bilbo. I saw from the corner of my eye Thorin jerk awake, glancing around, his hand instinctively going to his sword.

"Throat cutters, they'll be dozens of them out there," whispered Fili solemnly, motioning with his pipe. I stared at them, my throat having gone dry, and from the looks of it, Bilbo was just as terrified as I was.

"No warnings, just lots of blood," finished Kili. I felt like digging a hole and crawling in it to be safe, but when I saw them glance at each other over my shoulders and begin chuckling, I elbowed them both sharply in the ribs.

"Ow!" They both cried. I glared at them.

"You think that's funny?" questioned Thorin, who had stood abruptly and began pacing towards the ponies.

"We didn't mean anything by it," whispered Kili, looking at the ground ashamed, Fili following suit.

"No, you know nothing of the world," snarled Thorin, who had stalked away.

"Don't mind him, laddie," softened Balin, standing before us. "Thorin has more reasons than most to hate orcs," he explained, watching Thorin with a pride only a great friend could muster. As Balin discussed the battle, and the great fight between Azog and Thorin, I gained a new respect for the leader. He stood tall and proud, but I knew he didn't feel it. I knew he probably felt an enormous weight across his shoulders, an entire people relying on him. I stared at him, along with the rest of the company as Balin neared the end of his tale, the company beginning to stand to show their courage and their trust to Thorin as he turned around, sorrow and pain ebbed into his features.

"And what of the pale orc? What happened to him?" questioned Bilbo, watching Thorin walk back to his seat against the rock.

"That filth died of his wounds long ago," snarled Thorin, pacing away, hands clutched tightly behind his back. I watched as Balin met eyes with Gandalf, and I realized the information we three carried, was something so entirely unknown to Thorin, it would provide a danger, and an advantage. My eyes locked with Gandalf, and I knew we were seriously at a risk.

We were being hunted.

**Author's Note: So I'm back! Yay! **** This chapter was really hard to write, but really fun also. Plus, let's not forget, ORI! Such a sweetheart. I want one. But yeah, I'll try to crack out some more chapters this week, and we'll see where it takes us. Also, I'm trying to get rid of a lot of the swearing, so tell me if you liked Dixie before or after, because I'm not sure if I'm losing her personality in this. So the question is, old Dixie, or new? And anyway, please review, I really like to hear what you guys think, so have a good and beautiful day!**


	5. Useless

We awoke the next day to grogginess and soreness. Bilbo was hyperventilating from every sound since last night's tales of orcs and battles. I had to admit I was quite jumpy as well, and had taken to holding Badger's hand whenever I heard a particular dangerous noise. Ori was not my riding partner for today, although I missed him, I was still having fun riding with Fili. Kili rode alongside us and joked about things, and would sometimes tell an embarrassing childhood memory involving Fili, who would quickly retaliate with one of his own. Bilbo was at the front of the line chatting with Gandalf as the rain poured across us, causing my mood to become quite grumpy it could probably rival Thorin's. Dori had already asked Gandalf to lighten the weather, and I snorted from the impossibility of it. So far along this whole quest, I was basically bored. I had nothing to do of great importance to the company, even though I tried.

I tried to ignore Thorin especially, partly because he was just a sexist asshole. I found more solace in Fili, Kili, and Badger and Ori. Bilbo didn't dislike me, I think he was just a little nervous and scared of me, seeing as I hadn't exactly given the best first impression at his house.

"Miss Dixie, do you have any family?" asked Bofur from the front.

"Why, I actually do, Bofur, I have a brother," I smiled proudly. He turned to look at me.

"And why didn't he join the quest?" he asked, smiling cheekily as he dumped rainwater from his pipe.

"Because I came to your guys' meeting entirely by accident, and he wasn't with me at the time," I said firmly, a little confused by the sudden way the entire company was now staring at me.

"Accident?" asked Gloin, twisting his beard.

"Well, yeah. I didn't purposefully walk into Hobbiton," I laughed nervously.

"Well technically, you were chasing me, and I led you here, so it had to be on purpose," said Badger, riding up alongside Fili and I.

"Yes, I am quite aware of that Badger. Thank you for reminding me," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"My dear, do you mean that you never intended to come to Hobbit?" called Gandalf. I sighed in relief. Someone understood.

"Yes, Gandalf. I was going for a hike, I was looking down at the ground, and when I looked up, I was here."

"Surely you must've walked very far if you didn't intend to find yourself here," thought Kili, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure, all I remember is walking, then looking up and seeing Hobbiton," I murmured.

"Strange, for a girl to not intend to wind up in Hobbiton, but to have the clearest intentions of joining our quest," said Thorin, turning to glance at Gandalf while raising a brow. I sighed. It was like I had a stamp on my forehead that screamed I had low self-esteem and it was ok to make remarks about me when I was RIGHT THERE! I ground my teeth together, glaring at him with a murderous look. If this was how this whole quest was going to be, I should've stayed in Hobbiton. They sure seemed nicer.

"We will camp here for the night," ordered Thorin, dismounting his pony to tread across the grass. Gandalf muttered something and quickly followed after him.

"Miss Dixie, I will need for you to let me get down," chuckled Fili.

"What?" I asked.

"Your hands, you're holding me very tightly," he laughed again. I quickly followed his eyes and saw my hands were wrapped very tightly around his waist, meeting right above his belt. Oh shit, this was very awkward.

"Oh, yeah, um, sorry," I stammered, quickly dropping them and nervously laughing with him. He laughed again and this time Kili laughed with him. I blushed dark red and nervously ran a hand through my hair. Fili hopped down and held a hand out towards me, helping me down.

"Don't worry yourself lass, I'm hard to resist," smiled Fili. I blushed even more and stalked away, ignoring their chuckles. I walked past Badger and Bilbo who were quietly chatting while unpacking their things, and was about to angrily stomp into the forest, when I heard angry whispering.

"Where were the elves when the dragon Smaug attacked Erebor? Orcs desecrate our sacred halls, plunder through, and you expect me to forget a betrayal to my father, to my grandfather, so easily?" My eyes widened. That voice and attitude could only belong to one dwarf. I backed up a little to see what was happening, hiding behind one of the dirty grey pillars. I looked up and saw it was leaning against another, with others strews around, some broke, others crumbling into ash. I suddenly realized with a horror what scene we were in from the movie.

"Why don't we ask our future teller what she thinks," smiled Gandalf, turning to see me. I quickly hid behind the pillar again, and heard Thorin's snort of disbelief.

"Girl, we can see you, come out now," he barked. I shuddered and unwrapped myself from the pillar, wiping the lime away.

"What do you think?" asked Gandalf, raising an expectant brow.

"About what?" I tried to act innocent, clasping my hands behind my back while bouncing on my feet. Thorin shook his head again, probably imagining the different ways his company could secretly ditch me.

"Should we make for the Hidden Valley and see the elves help, or stay here only to feel a turn for the worse?" he asked again. I looked to Thorin and saw he was smiling smugly when I didn't answer.

"Well?" he asked, glaring at me.

"I think we should listen to Gandalf," I blurted out, feeling my face redden when Thorin's smile was replaced with a scowl.

"And why is that?" Thorin growled. I glared back.

"Because if you stay here, your company will face danger tonight, and you'll probably tell me not to help, and I'll probably end up helping anyway to save your sorry asses, which I really don't want to do. But if you visit the elves, they could help you, give you food, shelter, advice," I said impatiently, flapping my arms. Thorin glared at me again. I suddenly thought of that saying my mother would always tell me. If you keep making that face, one day it'll stick. Thorin's were ticking down.

"You are not the leader of this company, I am, and you will treat me with the respect as one," he said icily, turning away from me.

"No! You need to respect me! You said I could come along to help with my future telling, and I'm telling you it! So all you're going to do is ignore it? Fine! See if I care! I'm already basically useless to this quest, so I guess one more task I can actually do, but is put to waste won't hurt, right? Fine. But don't come crying to me when you get shoved in a sack," I finished, flipping my hair and stomping away. I saw his opened mouth gasp, and he muttered, "Sack?" Gandalf must've felt the same way because he turned from Thorin and walked away as well. I could hear Bilbo's surprised yelp as he asked the wizard,

"Gandalf, where are you going?"

"To seek the company of the only person in this company who has sense!" he barked.

"And who's that?" asked Bilbo. I smiled. Gandalf was so nice, to seek my company. I knew he and I both knew that Thorin could be a real pain in the-

"MYSELF MR. BAGGINS!" Gandalf shouted. I frowned. Well that was rude. I thought we had a little connection thing going on since Thorin refused to listen to either one of us. Guess not.

We sat around the fire, Bofur next to me, telling me the few tales he remembered of Erebor, and the rest of the dwarves occasionally putting in their own stories and memories. Overall, it was a very calming experience, save for the fact that I was the only one who knew that we were going to be in a very sticky situation if Thorin didn't do anything about it. But he refused to listen to me.

I had tried again when Bofur was handing out stew, Thorin was sitting on a rock and I joined him, not speaking for a while until I looked at him. I hadn't even said a word before he glared at me and snapped:

"No." Before he got up and headed away, leaving me with my mouth still open, only mainly in shock. Badger was sitting next to me, looking at his stew in disgust. Apparently hobbits only liked _good _food.

"It's not that bad, Badger," I whispered, afraid to insult Bombur.

"No, you're right. It's _horrid," _he sneered. I chuckled.

"Where do you suppose he is?" I heard Bilbo ask Bofur.

"Who?" replied Bofur, stirring the stew and placing it in two wooden bowls.

"Gandalf," sighed Bilbo, rolling his eyes as he waited for an answer.

"He's a wizard, he does as he pleases. He'll be back," smiled Bofur encouragingly. "Here's a favor, take this to the lads." My head shot up. Bilbo was basically going to his death trap.

"Bofur, why don't you let me take them?" I asked, running up to them.

"O, don't you worry your pretty little head, you've done enough already," he smiled.

"I haven't done anything!" I snapped impatiently, my fears getting worse as Bilbo began to scamper into the woods.

"Exactly," smiled Bofur, patting my shoulder. I groaned and sat back down, ignoring the wicked smile Thorin shot at me. I twisted my hands together nervously, waiting for any signs that Bilbo was in danger, but none came. More time passed and I began to worry even more, even become doubtful of myself. I was just about to dig into my stew when Fili came crashing through the woods. His eyes were wide and worried.

"Uncle, we need help!" he cried out to Thorin, who shot up, hands immediately going to his sword.

"What is it?" asked Ori, reaching for his trusty slingshot.

"Trolls! And they have Bilbo!" Fili finished while panting.

**Author's Note: Cliffhanger! Sorry guys, I just didn't really know how to end it, and it seemed like a good spot, so we'll have to wait and see what's going to happen! But first, who's proud for Dixie for standing up for herself to Thorin! Way to go girl. So, other than that, that's it for today, so have a good day guys, and see you soon! :3**


	6. Making an Heir

We raced into the woods, me panting like a sick dog. When Fili had mentioned the trolls had gotten Bilbo, he forgot to mention how _far it was. _I kept glaring at Thorin. This whole situation could be under the category as his fault. Yet he refused to meet my glare.

We were finally close enough to hear a desperate Kili shout,

"I said, drop him!" I inwardly cringed when I heard a sudden grunt as the troll must've taken him quite literally. As they landed in a pile of limbs and groans, Thorin and company broke through the dense forest and into the troll's clearing. There was instant fighting and chaos, but I tried to keep my distance. I knew if I tried to fight, I would only cause a hindrance, probably by ending up hurting myself instead of doing something useful. I crouched down and yanked Bilbo up, pulling him after me. Badger gave a whoop of relief when he saw us.

"Master Bilbo, are you alright?" asked Badger, patting his friend to make sure.

"Yes, quite," replied Bilbo, swatting Badger's hands away.

"Miss Dixie, we have to help them!" whined Badger, starting to make towards the mass of weapons. I grabbed his collar and yanked him back.

"Badger, honestly, I'm your friend and all, but you hardly look like fighting material, and well, you kind of need that in this situation," I hissed, pointing at the fight. He grumbled.

"But what about the ponies?" whispered Bilbo, pointing at the terrified animals, rearing in fright.

"The dwarves will get them when they're done," I whispered back.

"Or we could rescue them now and cause a diversion!" smiled Badger. Bilbo must've caught on because suddenly the two hobbits raced after the ponies.

"Badger, Bilbo! Get your asses back here!" I cried out. I immediately slapped myself when I realized a troll had heard me and followed my line of sight, seeing Badger and Bilbo scamper to the ponies. I covered my eyes and whimpered when I saw him lumber after them, quickly grabbing a shrieking Bilbo, but Badger thankfully dodging his other hand and leaping into the bushes.

"Oi!" cried the troll, removing his other hand to let another troll grab his other limbs.

"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip 'is off!" he threatened, pulling Bilbo harder. His worried look had me bighting the inside of my cheek until the point of drawing blood. I watched Thorin's reaction, and sighed in relief when he begrudgingly sunk his sword in the ground, the rest of the company following suit, a shared look of alarm passing through the company as they realized we were suddenly in deep shit.

I crept along the forest floor, careful to not make a sound. While the trolls had discussed how to cook the dwarves, I had realized it was either me or Badger who was going to help the dwarves, and because I hadn't seen Badger since he dived into the bushes, I took that as my cue to fuck some shit up.

I had finally ended up right behind the dwarves, all stuffed in burlap sacks in their underclothes, weaponless. If we weren't in this situation, I would find this incredibly amusing. But all I could feel right now was a deep passion of hate towards the stubborn dwarf king. I crept behind Thorin who was glaring at the trolls, and saw Bilbo cocking his head towards them as he listened to them insult each other.

"Bilbo!" I hissed. He immediately turned his head to follow the voice, and his face lit up when he saw me.

"Miss Dixie!" he smiled. The rest of the company turned to see me and said a welcoming as well.

"Shhhh!" I put a finger to my lips, afraid to warn the trolls of my company. They got the hint, looking frightened and ashamed.

"What are you doing here?" spat Thorin, glaring at me.

"Oh, you know, I was cooking a turkey and wanted to see if you guys wanted to join me," I rolled my eyes sarcastically.

"Now's not the time to be sarcastic, girl," he growled. I resisted the urge to slap him.

"Then stop being an idiot and tell me how I can help!" I hissed.

"I would never accept help from a child like you," he snarled.

"Yeah, I know. Like the time you decided to ignore my advice about moving on, and look where that got you!" I pounded the ground.

"Thorin, let the lass help," pleaded Oin, staring at Thorin expectantly. Thorin glared at Oin.

"Uncle, please, now's not the time to be picky," joined in Fili. I smiled, knowing I had won this argument. Thorin muttered a curse.

"Fine, you want to help? Untie me!" he spat, wriggling around in his sack.

"Then stop dancing like a worm on hot asphalt!" I spat. "And where are your bonds anyways?" I questioned, realizing I could see no ropes.

"You'll have to reach inside the sack, my hands are tied by my waist," he answered impatiently. I suddenly blushed.

"Oh, um, can't I untie someone else then and have them do it?" I asked, my face turning beet red.

"You wanted to help, now do it," he barked. I sighed.

"Jesus, you're old enough to be my dad, I better get a fucking medal for this," I muttered as my hand crept along the edge of the sack and under. My face was hot enough now that I'm pretty sure if the trolls knew about it, they'd use it to cook the dwarves. Thorin was doing a great job of ignoring me, twisting his head away and locking his jaw. My hand would occasionally slip across his chest and I would squeak a sorry. I began to move my hand around, looking for the bond when I slipped and my hand punched him under the sack.

"Girl!" He barked painfully. I blushed when I realized I had just unintentionally punched Thorin in the groin.

"Not my fault the ground is slippery. Take it as your punishment for not listening to me, and you can apologize to your gonads later," I spat embarrassed. He hissed another insult at me and I growled,

"Careful, Thorin, I can always do it again, purposefully." He immediately shut up. I finally reached his bonds and twisted the knot.

"Jesus, trolls are good tiers. They'd be some wicked boy scouts," I muttered.

"Work faster," Thorin growled in my ear. I ground my teeth together.

"Look, Thorin, when your hand's blindly untying someone free two inches away from their family jewels, then you have my permission to do whatever the hell you want, but I don't have x-ray vision, so I'm sorry, but you just have to wait," I said back, rolling my eyes. He flung his head back impatiently. Bilbo suddenly turned to look at us and his face turned bright red when he saw my hands.

"What on Middle-Earth are you doing Miss Dixie?" he asked, his face turning bright red.

"Trying to make an heir," I said sarcastically.

"But Miss Dixie, we are in trouble and…"

"Are you serious right now, Bilbo? Are you serious? Thorin here'd have to be the last man on earth for me to even shake hands with," I spat. Thorin glared at me.

"But you're doing a lot more than shaking hands," trailed off Bilbo.

"Bilbo, my dear, it's called, sarcasm!" I practically screamed. Bilbo blushed and suddenly turned around again to whisper,

"Oh, Miss Dixie, I have a plan."

"Oh, well then, just sit around and twiddle your thumbs," I smiled, blowing a strand of hair from my face.

"But miss Dixie, my thumbs, they are tied away from each other," he frowned.

"Dammit, you know what Bilbo? Don't even listen to me even more, go do your plan!" I hissed, glaring at him. Bilbo frowned, confused, but rolled over and thrust himself up, hopping in my way to obscure the trolls view from me when he addressed them.

"What in Durin's name is that hobbit doing?" asked Thorin, who began to twist around again.

"He's saving your ass, and stop moving, or you're going to get a punch in your happy place again," I snapped, finally freeing his bonds from his wrist. I whipped my hands from under the sack, brushing them against my jeans.

"Thank you," he growled. My eyes widened. Had Thorin just apologized? I had to test my luck.

"Um, sorry, what was that?" I asked, tilting my head closer to him.

"Don't push it, girl" he glared again, watching as Bilbo suddenly shouted.

"The secret to cooking dwarf is, to…skin them first!" Thorin's eyes widened and he snapped:

"Traitor!" I rolled my eyes. If the dwarves would only shut up for a minute, they would realize Bilbo was actually trying to help. It may have not been clearly seen, but he was buying me and Thorin time.

"What a load of rubbish!" Cackled the troll in the apron, "I've eaten plenty o dwarves with their skin on!" He fired back, glaring at Bilbo.

"He's right, nothing wrong with a bit o raw dwarf!" leered the stupidest one, leaning down to yank up a mumbling Bombur who wriggled in his sack frightened, staring at the open mouth of the troll. I glared at Bilbo to hurry his ass up and help before he quickly stammered:

"No! Not that one, he's, he's infected! He has parasites, in his, in his tubes!" The troll squealed in fright, dropping a relieved Bombur who landed unfortunately on a very angry Oin.

"In fact they're all infected," frowned Bilbo encouragingly. "I honestly wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't."

"Parasites? Did he say parasites?" snapped Oin, glaring at Bilbo. Kili nodded, joining in with Oin.

"We don't have parasites, _you _have parasites!" Kili shot back.

"For the love of God," I slapped a hand to my forehead. They were going to get us killed. Thorin must've felt the same way because he suddenly kicked Oin in the back, glaring at his sharply before looking back at the trolls.

"I, I have parasites as big as me arm," tried Oin cautiously.

"My parasites are the biggest!" shouted Kili, who began to move around like a possessed snake. I smiled and giggled a little.

The trolls shot nervous glances to each other, obviously debating on what should happen next.

"Well what do you suppose we do then? Let 'em all go?" asked the dwarf in the apron, watching Bilbo.

"Well," he cocked his head.

"You don't think I know what yer up to? This little ferret's taking us for fools!" thundered the troll.

"Fools?" spat the trolls.

"Ferret?" glared Bilbo. I slapped my hand into my forehead again. By the time this journey was over I was going to have a huge print on my forehead from all this shit.

"The dawn will take you all!" boomed a voice. The trolls and the dwarves all turned to the voice, seeing Gandalf as he cleared from the brush to stand atop the great boulder blocking the sun.

"Who's that?" asked a troll, pointing to the wizard.

"No idea," muttered the other turning the spit.

"Can we eat him too?" asked the first, smiling wickedly, before Gandalf pounded his staff across the boulder, causing a great crack to form while the boulder slid in two, unveiling the sun and shining it across the trolls. They screamed in agony at the blinding light as their skin instantly turned to rock, shaping and twisting to stay in their still form. I smiled widely as the sudden creaking and cracking of rock was silenced and as the dwarves began to cheer wildly at seeing Gandalf. Before I could relax, I saw Badger leap from the brush next to Gandalf.

"Miss Dixie! Look who I found!" He smiled proudly. My forehead welcomed my hand this time.

The dwarves were all dressed and repacking their weapons as they walked around the group, patting each other's shoulder in welcoming and reunion.

"So tell me Miss Dixie, what were you and our uncle attempting when the trolls were debating on how to cook us?" asked an amused voice. I turned to see a grinning Kili with his arms crossed to an amused Fili.

"I was untying him," I blushed.

"Sure didn't look like it," added Fili, who winked at his brother.

"Guys, your uncle's old enough to be my dad!" I snarled, glaring at them both. "And he hates me, which is mutual, that shit's for desperate measures," I added.

"Well you certainly weren't sporting that argument when you were doing Durin knows what," winked Kili back. I threw my hands up in the air.

"Fine! We were assessing our love for each other and decided at _that moment _our lust was burning so hotly, we had to consummate our love and tame our shared desire as our hearts were finally entwined and could now beat as one, as well as our souls," I smiled breathlessly. Fili and Kili instantly blushed, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Do you little shits honestly believe me?" I asked, my mouth hanging open.

"Well you were…" began Kili.

"Just shut up, just stop right there. I was untying your uncle, and his bonds were under the sack that I had to slip my hand under to untie him. We were not getting weird like rabbits in the summer, we were trying to help you asshole from being eaten!" I snapped. Fili and Kili blushed even more, looking ashamed.

"Oh, I'm sorry guys; I didn't mean to snap…" I started, before Kili and Fili instantly enveloped me in a bone crushing hug.

"No competition then!" laughed Fili playfully, dragging me away, before Kili followed after, grabbing my other arm.

"You still have me, brother," smiled Kili.

"You're hardly a threat brother, after all, you have no beard," said Fili, grinning wickedly at his brother. I glared at Fili, but was still entertained.

"I'll have you know, many ladies I know prefer a man with no beard!" I chuckled, playfully pulling on one of Fili's mustache braids. Fili frowned.

"But sorry for you boys, my heart is take," I sighed, my hand fluttering over my chest dramatically. They glared at me.

"By whom?" hissed Fili. I giggled and tried to turn away but Kili grabbed my arm.

"Who?" he challenged again.

"Richard Armitage!" I flung my hands in the air and raced away, laughing when I saw them share a worried glance.

I'm such a troll.

**Author's Note: I'd say I'm sorry to Thorin, but he's such an asshole. And we all know Dixie was probably really glad she finally got some payback against our majestic son of a bitch. Poor Bilbo, having to turn around and see what was going on there! Our little Hobbit's just so innocent 3 And finally, FILI AND KILI! They're so cute :3 Lucky Dixie. So that's it for today, tell my what you guys thought, and please review! I really need to see what you guys think of the story so far and maybe some of your guys' own thoughts of what should happen next, so if you have an idea, feel free to tell me and I'll consider it **** Have a beautiful day!**


	7. Minute of Peace

I was so happy that we had neatly evaded the possible death from the dwarves that I had begun spinning circles in the opening of the forest, right under the stone statues that were once very much alive. I was grinning like an idiot, but that was ok, since I was basically one, but I had also helped the dwarves, even if Thorin didn't react much to it. I could see Thorin and Gandalf muttering in a small clearing under a canopy from a tree, and by the looks of it, Thorin was actually thanking Gandalf. Stupid piece of dwarf-

"Miss Dixie?" I turned to see a smiling Badger. I stared at him, waiting for him to tell me where the fuck he went when I was busy shoving my hands down Thorin like a blind rapist. I glared over the head of Badger when I saw Thorin and Gandalf, and some of the company venture off into the troll hoard.

"I just wanted to ask if you're ok, and I know you weren't put in a sack or anything, but you seem really angry," he finished, waving his hands in front of me face when it looked like I wasn't paying attention to him.

"I've been having a bad day," I muttered, turning to leave before I felt a hand on my shoulder, tugging me into a body.

"We've all had a rough day, lass," laughed Bofur as my face was suddenly smashed into his shoulder as he chuckled. I braced my hands on his shoulders to push myself away and chuckled back awkwardly.

"Yeah Miss Dixie! I got many cuts across my arms and legs from the bushes!" squeaked Badger. I turned to glare at him.

"What the hell were you and Bilbo thinking? Running away to get the ponies when I very well told you not to, and look where it got you! You're lucky I was there and not stupid enough to get myself caught! Where were you when I had to put my hands up close and personal with Thorin's long forgotten gold?" I snapped, my face turning an embarrassing shade of red. Bofur was staring at me like I had just screamed my nipples were on fire and grown a tail, before he burst out laughing. He slapped me on the back and I surged forward, coughing as he laughed even more.

"You really are a gem, Miss Dixie," he smiled, before walking away, muttering, "Long forgotten gold, I'll have to remember that next time."

"Wait," started Badger. I turned to look at him, my brows rose. "Thorin still has some of the treasure?" I chuckled.

"Jesus, you're 74 and you're more innocent than some 8 year olds I know," I laughed before walking away, leaving a very confused Badger.

I kept walking, muttering about innocent hobbits when a hand grasped my shoulder and yanked me forward.

"Why don't you ask the girl that?" glared a voice. I made a sound between a pissed off whale and a dying cat when I saw who it was.

"What do you want, Thorin?" I glared as his hand was still gripping my shoulder.

"I want you to tell Gandalf how you knew we would come in contact with the trolls," he snapped, eyeing me. I sighed.

"You know, there are other ways to make friends, sometimes it can start as easy as calling someone there actual name," I trailed off when I saw the dirty look he shot me.

"We have no time for your childish behavior, _girl,_" he snarled. I glared back.

"Miss Dixie, I would have to interfere, but I am quite interested as well as how you managed to know you would meet the trolls," Gandalf said, waving his pipe in the air. I rattled through my brain on a story I could use besides the hopped on acid fortune teller, and quickly blurted out,

"It doesn't really take that much when you see a _house _crushed in the middle of a peaceful meadow, right next to a forest. And I never said we would meet trolls," I added, watching as Thorin narrowed his eyes at me.

"But you specifically said that we would end up in sacks," he exclaimed. I winced. Shit, I completely forgot that part.

"Well, usually trolls capture pray and," I began, before Thorin rounded on me.

"If I find out, girl_, _that you are actually a spy of orcs or of another darker power, you can be sure that it will be the last breath you take," he snarled, before stalking away.

"Do not worry, my Dear Dixie, Thorin has a different way and cause to not trust very well," smiled Gandalf encouragingly, placing a tired hand on my shoulder. I snorted.

"Gandalf, no offense, but one of these days, if it's not you, I'm going to get real tired of his shit and clock him," I sighed, before walking away as well, just before I heard Gandalf call,

"Bilbo!" and proudly produce a beautiful elven sword to him. I smiled a little to myself, before I continued to wander off.

Not long after I had wandered off, I heard my name being frantically called. I sighed. I was so peaceful, relaxing on a large slab of rock and letting the breeze tickle my skin. If those dwarves were calling me to give me more crap for practically feeling Thorin up, then I swear it would be the last thing they do. I groaned as I sat up, my muscles aching, and began to trot back to the company. As I broke into the clearing, I noticed Gandalf and Fili and Kili breathe a sigh of relief. Fili and Kili instantly flanked me, each reaching for my hands as they smiled at me comfortingly. I looked around the company and released a worried squeak when I saw the dead warg lying at Thorin's feat.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"You are being hunted," whispered Gandalf. I looked from him to the strange looking man next to him, suddenly realized what scene from the movie this was.

"Radagast?" I asked, my brows rising, "You're Radagast?" He frowned at me, probably judging. He ignored me, turning to Gandalf.

"I'll draw them off!" he smiled, a determined look burning in his eyes. Thorin snorted while Gandalf bellowed:

"These are Gundabarg wargs!" before Radagast raised a fist and said,

"These are Rosgabel rabbits! I'd like to see them try," he grinned. He raced into the thicket, hopping atop his carriage of rabbits and racing with the rabbits while Gandalf suddenly raced after, shouting at us to hurry after. Thorin turned to the company, ushering them ahead before he glanced at Badger, Bilbo and I, who were still rooted to the ground in fright.

"Well in case you plan on staying here discussing life goals, then I suggest you move on!" he barked. I flipped him off when he turned to leave, missing the gesture, but Bilbo and Badger sure saw it.

"Miss Dixie, what does that mean?" asked Badger, nodding toward my raised finger.

"It means pick up your ass and run!" I snapped, picking up my pack.

"Oh! Well in that case," smiled Badger, who turned and flipped off Bilbo, who did it in turn back, leaving me cracking up as we sprinted off back to the company, our bones chilling when we heard the first of the wargs howl, giving us a reminder to never look back.

**Author's Note: Hi guys! I'm sorry for the delayed update, my wifi's been crappy, but I finally got something back for you! As for the chapter, I'm not sure I quite like it, and it's pretty short. I'm sorry! I didn't really know where to go with it, and I didn't want to involve the warg chase quite yet because I'm going to have a lot of detail in it, and I feel like the chapter would've been really long with it, so I might make it into a whole new chapter itself. As for this one, feel free to review and tell me what you thought! Thank you so much, guys, and see you soon! Have a beautiful day! **


	8. Adrenaline Rush

We burst through the thicket; our eyes darting back and forth as we nervously awaited the chase of Radagast and the orcs. As soon as we saw him leap from the forest with his trusty rabbits, we bolted. Thorin had us race along the rocks and the trees, narrowly evading the orcs and the wargs. Badger was holding my hand as he ran, nervously glancing back and forth, and Bilbo was holding onto Badger's, running just as fast.

Thorin was in the lead running, along with Fili and Kili, who had sword and arrow at the ready in case we were suddenly spotted, which I knew would happen eventually. I just had to tell Thorin.

"Badger, let go, I need to tell Thorin something," I breathed, trying to dislodge my hand from his iron grip.

"Miss Dixie, now really isn't the time for an argument, and," he started before I glared at him. He whimpered and released his hand, thrusting Bilbo to be closer to him as they ran after me. I sprinted towards Thorin and tried to stammer my breathing as I talked.

"Thorin, we need to do something. Badger, Bilbo, and myself, in case you care, cannot run this long," I wheezed, clutching my side from a bitchy cramp. "I'm pretty sure my pancreas is going to fall out soon." He glared at me.

"We have no time for your complaining, girl, and hurry quickly, unless you plan to be eaten and used as a dish cloth," he growled, hardly sounding winded at all. In fact, he was barely even red in the face, mind a little redness in his cheeks, but I was willing to bet that was just a sign of him becoming more agitated by me.

"No, Thorin, you don't understand, they'll eventually catch us!" I hissed, sprinting after him, my legs burning. "Those are wargs! We're people, last time I checked, we don't have four legs, unless you do, because I'm pretty sure I'd hate everyone too if I had four legs," I snapped, my bitchy mood coming back.

"We have Radagast, he is making them go away," Thorin snapped, ignoring my last comment.

"All he's doing is running around in circles, narrowly missing us! He's hopped up on mushrooms, for all we know; he's flying a rainbow bridge right now with a unicorn inside his head!" I glared back, a whine lodging in my throat.

"Then if you want to go back and tell him to do a figure eight, then be my guest, but I suggest you move along, and try not to get yourself killed," he growled back. I rolled my eyes and tried to slow down a bit to get closer to Badger and Bilbo, who had turned a bright red from the running.

"Miss Dixie, are the wargs getting closer?" asked a terrified Badger. I locked eyes with him, swallowing back a yelp of fear.

"Just keep running," I murmured, quickening my pace.

We dodged behind rocks, sprinted in between them, and paused to regain our breath before sprinting more. My legs had practically turned into lead weights, pinning me down, and I was sweating up a storm. Long distance I was not. But dwarves, on the other hand, apparently were. Thorin was still leading, racing along, and making spur of the moment decisions that would either get us out alive, or kill us. Either way I was pissed.

"This is complete bullshit!" I growled. Fili and Kili, who had slowed down to run beside me, Badger and Bilbo, looked at me, raising their brows.

"Miss Dixie, while I do not appreciate a run from my death, I must say, it is a little exciting," grinned Kili. I snarled.

"Those two are going to pass out soon, and I'll probably follow after, so unless you want to carry three bodies, then you tell your uncle to slow the hell down!" I snapped. Fili and Kili only laughed, but they were damn lucky they were pretty because I just about tripped them. Before I knew it, we were behind a large boulder, Ori accidentally running, but was luckily stopped by a warning Thorin, who grabbed his collar and yanked him back in time to stop from being spotted.

"Move!" yelled Thorin, when he was sure the orcs had turned away. I gritted my teeth and forced my legs to move once again. I could hear Bilbo and Badger drawing in ragged breaths, and my eyes started to water, but we suddenly came to a merciful stop, our backs to a large boulder, hiding us from the oncoming orcs and wargs. I was about to cry from relief, when I heard the low growl of an animal. I was about to squeal, but Fili had slammed a hand over my mouth, putting a finger over his lips, looking at me. I nodded, and he slowly removed his hand, looking over to his uncle, who had motioned to Kili to prepare his bow. I watched as Kili silently placed the arrow into the bow, fingers gliding over the feathers before he sprinted back and sprung, arrow knocked and drew back the string, shooting it over the rock and into the chest of the warg as it toppled over the rock. I pulled Badger and Bilbo back, slamming them into the rock as the warg made to snap at them, but Dwalin and Thorin had attacked the warg with hammer and sword. It screamed and fought, yelping and snarling, and surely giving our position away. Finally it lay dead at their feet, but there was an eerie quiet before I whispered a shaky:

"Holy shit," before Thorin sprinted away, leaving the company to follow after him. We ran, and I knew Radagast was no longer with us. We followed after Thorin, our ragged breathing returning, but I could see out of the corner of my eyes the wargs closing in on us. We stopped, our feet planting into the tall grass, Bilbo, Badger, and I holding our hands together tightly.

"We're surrounded!" someone cried, causing Bilbo to squeak in fright. Kili was frantically shooting arrows, killing off warg and rider, but when one fell, it seemed as if it hardly left an impact, for one was ready to take its place.

"Where's Gandalf?" Ori cried.

"He's abandoned us!" snarled Dwalin, holding his hammer tightly, ready to attack. I turned, my eyes scanning for the familiar grey hat when I heard someone shout:

"This way you fools!" I saw Gandalf snapping from a small opening in front of a boulder, but it would surely fit all of us. No one needed to be told twice, commotion sprung, and the dwarves raced to the tunnel, sliding down into the small tear shaped drop. Thorin positioned him out, waiting until his company would get out, and Bilbo, Badger and I raced from the far back, but we weren't as fast as the dwarves.

"Bilbo, Badger, Dixie!" I heard Kili cry. I turned to see a warg stalking toward us, slowly picking up its pace as it closed in on us, snarling as it curled its blackened lips over its teeth, death written in it's eyes.

"Shit!" I barked, running faster, but cursed when Badger suddenly lost his footing, landing in the grass. Bilbo stopped to help his friend but I shoved him to Kili who picked him up and raced to the tunnel.

"Dixie!" screamed Bilbo, trying to loosen himself from Kili's hold as he brought him to the opening. Thorin snarled when he saw Badger lying in the grass, and I don't know what suddenly drove me to do what I did next, but I did it. I've read stories where mothers see their children under cars and they can pick up a whole car to save them from the adrenaline, and the fear. I mean, don't get the wrong idea, I wasn't Badger's mother or anything, that be a pretty fucked up plot twist. But he was my one and only true friend in Middle Earth right now, the one who had accepted me and helped me from the start. Sure, he had run from me, probably thinking I was some weird, drugged rapist, but that's what friends do. So when I saw Badger lying in the ground, staring up at the warg in horror, I picked up a rock and I sprung.

When I landed in the side of the warg, it toppled over, rolling off of Badger and into the ground with me over it. It snarled and raked it's claws against my thigh, but I hardly felt it. Right not I was focused on helping Badger. I grabbed a fistful of fur on its head, and sure, it was not easy to do, in fact, it was probably a death wish, but I somehow got my hands behind its ears and slammed its head down, enough for me to slam the rock down along its throat, over and over and over again, until the rock turned black with blood and the warg gurgled as it took deep breaths and its paws started to shake, before finally stopping altogether. I stared at the dead warg, slowly climbing off of it and standing to the side, faintly seeing Badger stand. I tossed the rock to the side, noticing the dried blood on my fingers. Badger grabbed my hand, squeezing gently, before I whispered to the warg:

"Ain't nobody mess with my motherfucking clique," before I heard the sound of trumpets and horses.

**Author's Note: I know, it's been forever, please don't hurt me! But I finally got the next update up! Yay! Sorry about the delay, I had a birthday, work, and people things, so it got a little hectic around here, but I'm back! So I hope you guys liked this update, please review, and let's hope the next one can come up faster! :3**


	9. Meeting Elrond

Badger and I tripper backwards at the sudden surge of horses and riders, horns bellowing around the land, and Badger cowering behind me, clutching the back of my shirt. The horses trotted around us, snorting as their riders cast looks in our direction, though never talking. Finally, when I was sure this was going to become really awkward really fast, a rider hopped down. A metal breast plate covered his chest, with leathers across his arms and shins. He was a good two heads taller than Badger and I, and was soon looming over us with his easy gait, breathing in sharply to state:

"Lady Dixie, and Sir Badger Pipdragon, it is an honor to make your acquaintance." Badger gripped my shirt tighter, and I could feel his fingers shaking through my shirt.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but do we know you?" I asked, reaching behind me to still Badger. He grabbed hold of my hand and slowly came to stand next to me, nervously biting his nail. The man smiled at Badger, pushing a long, oak colored strand of hair behind his ear, and that was when I noticed the pointed tip.

"You're an elf!" squeaked Badger, the fear being replaced with excitement as he stared up at the man in adoration. Looks like I'd been replaced.

"As it would seem, master Hobbit," he smiled. "And as the term elf is fully adequate, I would much appreciate to be known as Lord Elrond in its place," he smiled, and I almost shit a brick.

"Holy shi- I mean- cowabunga!" I yipped, suddenly realizing that this was THE LORD ELROND. Also known as the great elven lord who I practically worshiped as a kid from a couch in my living room, where whenever I saw a Geico commercial, flipping out and half heartedly throwing potato chips at my dog. Badger squealed at the new title, and squeezed my hand tighter. I was a relieved to know I wasn't the only fan girl here.

"My Lady," began Elrond. MY LADY! I WAS A LADY! My teeth began to shake and I was pretty sure my cheeks were going to split from smiling so hard. "It would appear you are injured," he gestured to my thigh. "We have excellent healers in our valley, and I would feel better knowing you are tended to," he smiled again. I suddenly remembered the claws of the warg and looked at my thigh, seeing three long tears in the material of my pants, blood drying around the edges of three angry gashes along my thigh.

"You're really brave, Dixie," smiled Badger, looking up at me with a smile, and my heart melted. I really couldn't stay in Middle Earth anymore. With people like this, my ovaries were due to explode any second. RIP my friends.

"Thanks Badger," I barely choked out, running a hand through his hair in a sisterly way. Elrond smiled at us and explained:

"If you would join us, my friends, we shall reach Rivendell before nightfall." Badger squealed and clapped his hands together, dropping mine.

"I've wanted to see Rivendell ever since I was a little lad!" he jumped, eyes bright and a smile pasted across his face. I laughed at his antics, but I was sure some of the elves were questioning our sanity. But I really didn't care anymore. By now I was so far gone; if an old man drove up with a white van I'd probably get in.

Elrond called to two of the elves from the group, and they came to the front, dismounting and holding hands out to Badger and I. Badger squealed again and ran forward, practically leaping into the arms of the elf as they gently placed him in the saddle, and smoothly mounting behind him. Badger whooped with delight, his little fists in the air like a child going on a roller coaster for the first time. I smiled and walked to the other elf as he gently placed hands along my waist (there go my ovaries) and swung me into the saddle, taking care of my thigh. Elrond had mounted his own horse, and he nodded to the riders before swinging his horse around and began an easy lope the direction they had come. It appeared that Badger was in the saddle next to me, and he smiled at me giddily as his rider began chatting with my own.

"Strange, that orcs are so close to our borders am I correct, Nandir?" asked the elf with Badger, smiling lazily at the elf behind me, or apparently, Nandir.

"It would seem so," replied Nandir thoughtfully, glancing at Badger, and smiling at the other. "It would certainly seem so," he finished.

**Author's Note: So this chapter was mainly a filler, but the next ones may not come up as quickly as this one did. I also just wanted to show the little transition of how Dixie gets to Rivendell with Badger, and didn't want it to seem so sudden or anything, and by the way, Nandir means young man, in case any of you were interested. So thanks for reading, and please review! Thanks! :3**


	10. Helping a Friend

Badger was still chatting with the elf sharing the saddle with him, asking all sorts of questions about elven culture, while Nandir gazed amusedly at them, once in a while asking me something, but so far he seemed to be the less talkative type. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood to talk both because my thigh was really starting to hurt like a bitch, and I refrained from hissing with every step our mount made. After what seemed like forever, we finally reached the beautiful gates of Rivendell.

Badger was practically crying in delight, and kept pointing to everything, his head frantically turning to catch every glimpse, every detail of the vast landscaping. Elrond had the horses pick up pace, easing up to a calm canter, before I heard the familiar sound of very pissed off dwarves. Badger waved to Bilbo happily, but I noticed the company surrounded the little hobbit as they held their weapons at the ready for any sign of attack. I rolled my eyes.

"Lord Elrond," smiled Gandalf, stepping forward to greet the elven lord. My partner dismounted and held his hand out to me, easily helping me down.

"Thank you," I smiled easily, nodding my head in gratitude before I was slammed from the back into a set of arms.

"We thought you had been killed!" whined the familiar voice of Kili. I was practically yanked into the arms of Fili as he added:

"We saw the fight between you and the warg, but not the end, Uncle dragged us deeper into the tunnel," frowned Kili. His mouth was set in a tight line, a muscle in his jaw ticking. I relaxed and carefully leaned my weight on my one good leg, placing a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Well, lucky for you two, my inner hulk came out and I killed the warg," I smiled reassuringly, patting their arms, but glaring at Thorin, who was doing his best to ignore me as the rest of the company debated whether it was a good idea to accept the invitation of food.

"Wait, you killed the warg?" asked Fili, bringing me back to our conversation. Concern but also surprise clearly written on his face. I nodded, feeling pretty proud of myself right about now.

"How?" asked Kili, grinning widely, leaning an arm on his brother.

"With a rock," I grinned back, swiping some hair from my face.

"A rock?" repeated Fili, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, a rock," I answered, dulling my voice down and smiling again.

"Was it a pointed rock?" questioned Kili, an eyebrow rose. "Like a spear point?" he added. I sighed. I could already tell they started to doubt me.

"It was your normal rock, Kili. I picked it up, and slammed it against its throat, because apparently, rocks do actually hurt, believe it or not. I know, pretty shocking, but I guess I missed the episode when Bill Nye said rocks were meant for science and not murder," I rolled my eyes.

"Bill Nye?" Said Fili, rolling the name across his tongue, looking to his brother for help, but who also shared the same confused look.

"Not important," I waved my hand. "Are we done here? Do you believe me, or do you need a reenactment, because I'll gladly demonstrate with a volunteer. Thorin!" I shouted, giggling at the glare he shot me, oblivious to what I had just said. Kili and Fili shook their heads frantically.

"No, we believe you!" coughed Fili nervously. I smiled and patted his head.

"That's what I thought." I turned on my heel to walk away, but Kili grabbed my hand and yanked me back.

"Wait, your thigh, it's bleeding!" yelped Kili, pointing a finger at the injury. I nodded exasperated.

"It's a scratch, Lord Elrond said he would help heal me," I smiled reassuringly. Kili frowned, looking more doubtful with each passing minute.

"Kili, it's fine, it's actually turning a little numb, which means its healing or ready to be amputated," I laughed. Fili winced.

"Dixie, this isn't really something to joke about," he sighed, putting a hand on his forehead and massaging the area between his brows tiredly. I groaned inwardly. These two little shits were almost asking for a slap because I was really becoming tired of their constant worrying. Don't get me wrong, it was nice to have two really attractive guys all worried about you, but there is a fine line between being helpful and being an ass.

"Believe me, you two, if this was bad, you would know it by now. I'd probably be kicking and screaming instead of sit here and banter. Besides, like I said already, it's only a scratch. Slather some Neosporin on and slap a band aid or two and I'll be ready to go in no time. And don't forget the fact that it could be a lot worse, like a broken arm or a ripped out uterus. However, previously stated, the elves are going to heal me," I grinned. Fili and Kili frowned at each other, trying to comprehend what I just said, but I didn't give them a chance to comprehend it as I spun on my heel once again and sauntered away. But just my luck, it was a different hand that grabbed my arm and pulled me away from whatever life goals I had at the moment.

Thorin glared at me as he quickly gave me a once over.

"What were you thinking?" he spat. I raised a brow, wondering if I should risk it and ask him what the hell he meant. "Running and saving Badger like that? You could've died!" he thundered, rage clearly written on his face. I was a little confused if he actually cared about my welfare, but one look in his eyes and I could tell he was more worried about how Gandalf would react if Bilbo, Badger or I were killed. I narrowed my eyes, feeling anger rise to the surface. I straightened my back a little and held my chin up as I poked his chest with my finger hard, causing him to glare at me as he stumbled a little.

"Listen here, Thorin Oakenshield. While you were focused on helping your company, I was focused on helping a _friend. _Now I know you don't quite trust Badger, Bilbo and I, but that doesn't mean I don't. You can stand back and worry about your quest with lesser focus on the well fare of two meager spur of the moment companions and a burglar, but I'll be damned if they so much as get a scratch. So what was I thinking? I don't know, I really don't. But at least I was thinking of others than myself!" I hissed, my voice shrinking to an eerie whisper. I held my composure, breathing fast and hard and wondering if I should run or congratulate myself.

Thorin huffed, his eyes glaring at me, and his fists clenching. For a moment I thought he was going to hit me, and I took a step back just in case, but at the last minute, he sighed and let out a deep breath, his face relaxing and his shoulders drooping, exhaustion evident in his stance. He turned to leave, but not before his shoulders tensed and he turned to simply state:

"You smell of elf."

**Author's Note: Yay! Another chapter! So what do you guys think? How about Dixie standing up to Thorin again! You go girl! **

**Sorry for the wait guys. I was a little hesitant to write this chapter because I honestly didn't really know how I wanted to portray it, but I finally got it done! Not sure if I'm a 100% with it though. But I'd really appreciate it if you guys would review and tell me what you thought. Feedback is loved**** So thanks for reading, and hopefully the next chapter will be up shortly. : 3**


	11. Kind Words

Rivendell was absolutely beautiful, not that I could really explore much while in the chambers of the elves, but from what Badger was telling me, it seemed tranquil. We had been there for a couple of hours, but I could tell the dwarves were antsy about staying in the company of the elves. I, however, didn't care; really, so much as they helped me and gave the company and I food and rest.

The elves had healed me, my leg now to a dull ache as the long, angry tears along my thigh had become only a trace, and I could walk without limping. Even though Badger was excited and thrilled to be in Rivendell, he still clung to my every move, stating that he had a life debt now that I saved his. But I reassured him it was fine, but my friend stuck close to me. Bilbo, on the other hand, was almost as bad as Thorin. He had approached me yesterday, shaking his head and telling me that I should never put my life at a risk for his and Badger's. And while I appreciate the remark from Bilbo, I still couldn't help but be extremely pissed off at Thorin. While Bilbo had been calm and respectful to me, Thorin had been like a grenade with the pin pulled. You never were sure when it would go off, but you knew it would eventually.

I was wondering around the palace, taking in the scenery and the beautiful landscaping of Rivendell when Badger found me. He was smiling brightly, wearing fine, elvish clothing that suited him very well.

"Miss Dixie, we will be feasting shortly," he smiled, tucking his hands behind his back. I smiled back, nodding my head, before looking back at the pillar I was leaning against. He turned to leave, when I quickly asked:

"Badger, could you just wait a second?" he turned and smiled at me, nodding as he rolled his shoulders back.

"Do you regret what I did for you? Do you think that what I did was foolish?" I asked, frowning a little and my voice becoming eerily choked up. Apparently almost dying and being pushed around by sassy dwarves did a number to you. Badger frowned and padded a little closer to me as he grasped my hands in his gently while looking at me.

"Understand me very clearly, Miss Dixie, I am owe you my greatest thanks for what you did during the raid. If you hadn't been brave enough, well, I don't like to think about what would've happened to me. But I don't care what anyone else says, all that matters to me is that I am entirely grateful for your help. So no, Miss Dixie, I am not mad, I do not regret it, and I do not think you foolish one bit, however, I do feel very honored to be called your friend," he smiled gently as he said the last few words.

I sniffled and felt a few tears escape my eyes, real gratitude shining through his eyes.

"Aw, shucks, thanks Badger, that's the nicest thing someone's told me this whole journey so far," I smiled, swiping at my eyes. He chuckled and looped an arm through mine.

"Now, how about some dinner? I don't know about you, but this hobbit's tummy is very hungry," he smiled happily, rubbing his stomach while I laughed and walked to the feast with him, all worried thoughts gone for today.

**Author's Note: I am soooooooo sorry for the delay on this! I had a really busy last few months of summer, plus my internet crashed on my like a little Bitch, so I didn't have any time for writing. This chapter is super short, but I just wrote it today because I finally had some free time, but I promise the next chapters will get much longer and better.**

** But anyhow…Badger's so sweet **** where can I get a hobbit like that? And this chapter happens directly after Thorin's and Dixie's fight, so she's kind of questioning her place in the company and whether or not she's accepted, so that was the reason for the tears.**

**So just remember guys, please review, they mean a lot to me and I really take them into consideration, especially if you have ideas. Thanks!**


	12. Act Like a Dwarf

Badger and I arrived at the feast a little later than hoped for. The dwarves were seated around a small courtyard, laughing merrily and eating and drinking. From what I could see, it appeared that Thorin, Balin, Bilbo, Elrond and Gandalf were missing. I felt a sort of sick happiness when I realized Thorin was probably absolutely disgusted to even be in the presence of elves. However, I couldn't really help feel a slight pang that Gandalf nor Bilbo was here. Being in the company, I had made little friends. Save for Fili, Kili, Gandalf, Bilbo and Badger. Everyone else was more of an acquaintance, someone willing to talk, but never to listen. Sometimes it doesn't really matter if a whole swarm of people were around you, you can feel lonely anywhere. And right now I was really regretting my social status among these dwarves. I was but a petty human with a bad temper and a knack for getting into trouble, no wonder I was a nobody. If I wanted to be accepted by these dwarves, I would probably have to start acting like one.

My nose wrinkled. Bofur had thrown a sausage at Bombur, eager to catch it, when the slight extra weight rocked the bench he was sitting on to rubble. If this was how dwarves acted, I might as well forget all manners and ladylike behavior.

"Badger, do you have any idea how to act like a dwarf?" I asked, looking down at my hobbit friend. He peered up at me, raising a brow with a worried look crossing his features.

"Miss Dixie, please don't think me wrong to ask, but why do you ask?" he questioned.

"Because I want friends, and if I'm going to tag along this whole journey with them, I might as well gain some. I mean, how are you supposed to make friends when you don't even understand what they do half the time?" I shrugged my shoulders. He sighed.

"Miss Dixie, I think you make friends just fine. I mean, you met me and Bilbo, and you seem to be pretty good friends with Gandalf. What I'm saying, is this journey is for the dwarves to reclaim a homeland, I don't really think they are interested in meeting new people," he explained.

"Badger, just play along. I want friends and I'm going to get some, besides, what happens if I get in a life or death situation, who'll help me?" I asked. He ran his hands down his face, growing worried.

"Miss Dixie, I told you already, I owe you for saving my life. I would help you in any situation, and…" I cut him off by practically shoving my hand in his face.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but what happens if you're not there? Like you're off breeding butterflies or something, who's going to help _me? _What happens if they reclaim this homeland and there's this big plaque or something and everyone's name is on it and they just write Satan instead of my name?" I practically shouted, flapping my arms. Badger sighed, wringing his hands nervously.

"Well, if you're really interested in becoming friends with them, then I guess you could drink a little. They're very fond of ale, but I wouldn't recommend you do it!" He shouted the last bit as I had already started strutting away, eager to get the attention and leave an impression on these dwarves. If I was going to do this whole journey with a fake name and a sassy dwarf king, then hell, maybe a little drinking wouldn't be too bad. Besides, all the elves had was wine. I've had wine back at home, I wasn't under age or anything, and I could hold my liquor pretty well.

I walked to the table with my chin held high and clutched a fine goblet from the table and poured some of the maroon liquid into it, swirling it smelling the drink. Before I could put the cup to my lips, I felt a pair of hands quickly grab the goblet and pull it a little ways from my lips. Kili was staring at me, a little worried while Fili was grinning from ear to ear.

"Maybe you should be a little careful, Dixie. This is very strong elvish wine, you don't want to drown your pretty little head," exclaimed Kili. I glared at him and yanked the cup back.

"Excuse me, but I'll tell you I can hold my liquor very well, and it's only wine. I've had it before," I rolled my eyes. He yanked the cup back, and this time he whispered frantically,

"Dixie, no offense, but this drink is meant for warrior elves and strong dwarves. To us it's like a simple glass of water, but to humans, it's like a glass of the richest fire, I'd be careful," he hissed. Fili was still grinning and I stared at him.

"What do you think, Fee?" I asked, raising a brow. His grin only widened.

"Hey, I've never been one to turn down a lass," he smiled. Kili slapped a hand to his forehead, letting go of the cup.

"Just don't come crying to me when you're seeing double," he groaned. I grinned and patted his back as I tossed the drink back.

I almost immediately coughed, but I held it back with my teeth clamped shut for the sake of my pride. Kili was right; it burned past my throat like fire, and left a scorching trail in its wake. I could practically feel it pool in my belly and sit like lava churning, and my eyes burned with hot tears. I swallowed and straightened, then almost fell over. The after effect was almost immediate, I suddenly felt like I was drifting on a cloud, like I was weightless. It felt like all my worries were gone and I felt so completely happy, happier than I've ever been in my entire life. If that was what one drink would do, I definitely wanted another.

I reached for the wine, but Kili had grabbed it and lifted it from my reach.

"Oh, no you don't, you're almost half drunk, already," he snapped. I tried pitifully reaching for the wine.

"Kili, please," I begged, "Just one more cup!" He glared at me.

"No."

"Yes." I huffed, crossing my arms, and almost tipping over from the sudden change in sight.

"No."

"Yes!" I repeated.

"No!"

"Fili!" I shrieked, motioning over toward where the other brother had wandered off to. He reluctantly stood, ambling over to us.

"Tell your anal brother to give me my drink," I spat.

"You're acting like a child; you're going to get yourself drunk and make a fool out of yourself!" Kili shot back, running a frustrated hand through his hair. Fili raised his brows and glanced between the two of us.

"So, Fili, what do you think? And remember, choose wisely, or else the consequences may be deadly. Like getting your balls scooped out with a spoon and put into a pickle jar consequences," I glared at Kili while saying this, his eyes widening slightly as he glanced at his brother. Fili sighed and looked at Kili.

"Just let her have the drink, Kee, if she gets drunk, so what. She will have learned an important lesson," he worried at his lip, waiting for his brother's reaction. Kili huffed a breath and practically threw the bottle of wine in my hands.

"Fine! We'll see how you thought this would be fun when you're puking your brains out in the morning," snapped Kili, turning to stalk away, muttering about stupid brothers and determined women.

Fili whistled a low breath and winked at me, before following his brother. I grinned and poured more of the drink into the goblet, relishing in the sudden hissing of fire along my throat once again.

(Thorin's POV)

The meeting of the moon ruins was now over, and while I should have felt relieved, I only felt more pressure. We had little time to find the hidden gate, and I feared that we would ever even get there in one piece. Lord Elrond had told me of the toils and terrible things lurking, trying to do anything possible to make sure our quest would not be finished. My fists were rolled up, my shoulders tense, and my back sore. It seemed the weight of this quest was truly sinking in with each passing day, and this surely would not be the last of it.

The burglar, Bilbo, was trotting behind me, trying to keep up, and a thoughtful look on his face. While I wished he would just leave me alone and follow that intolerable girl, Gandalf had told me his involvement in this company would be helpful. And while I had my doubts, I trusted Gandalf. We were about a mere distance from the feast when I heard:

"And that was when I fell in love with Harry Potter!" I stopped in my tracks, the hobbit crashing into my back. I strained my eyes to see ahead, and bit back a growl when I saw Dixie sitting on a boulder, the dwarves surrounding her and listening intently, their eyes wide.

"But what of Voldemort, what happed to him?" asked Bofur.

"Don't say his name!" shrieked Dixie, whipping her head around to see the surroundings, almost looking for something. Bombur clamped a hand over Bofur's mouth, his eyes wide and terrified as well.

"Will you get married?" asked Ori, glancing at Dixie with adoring eyes. She sighed and placed a hand to her heart.

"Alas, we cannot. For he is already betrothed to a young maiden by the name of Ginny Weasley."

"That's outrageous!" barked Fili. "You two were deeply in love with each other, love conquerors all!" he finished. Dixie giggled, hiccupping in the middle of it and nearly falling off the rock.

"Yes, but where I come from, you may love one girl, but turn your back on her to focus on more assets," she explained.

"Assets?" Asked Bofur. Dixie put a hand to her lips and motioned the dwarves a little closer, who all leaned in their chairs expectantly.

"Boobies!" shrieked Dixie, laughing hysterically. Ori was blushing like a ripe tomato, while Fili was grinning at Kili who was glaring at Dixie. Bilbo was muttering 'oh dear' and tried to step around me, when his foot caught and he tripped onto the ground next to me. I growled an annoyance when the crash got the attention of the dwarves and Dixie. She turned abruptly to see the source of the sound and when she did, her eyes widened and her lips parted to show the biggest smile I'd ever seen in my life.

"Speaking of boobies, Thorin!" she screamed, leaping off the rock and sprinting to me. My eyes widened and I tried to back away, but she had flung her arms around me before I could react. I was not much of a hugging person, but it appeared she definitely was, and I hated it. I sneered in disgust.

"I missed you soooooo much!" she giggled in my hair. My shoulders tensed and she immediately leapt away.

"Oh, right, I forgot you're immune to nice things," she snorted, laughing. I raised a brow, glancing at Fili and Kili. They raised their hands.

"She had a bit of wine, but it appears she can't hold her liquor too fine," explained Fili, trying to look worried, but failing miserably. She suddenly glanced at them and pointed at them.

"I'll have you two broads know that I can drink any man under a table!" she laughed, tossing her head back and hiccupping again.

"Is that a challenge?" smiled Gloin, eagerly grabbing at a goblet.

"NO!" barked Kili. Gloin glared at him, but reluctantly put down the goblet. Dixie turned back around and refocused her attention on me, her eyes brightening.

"Hey, hey, Thorin, I have to tell you a secret," whispered Dixie, suddenly turning serious. I turned to face her, confusion written on my face. She motioned me forward, and I glanced at Fili, to see him shrug. I sighed and stepped closer to her. She moved nearer to move my hair a little ways from my ear before shouting:

"MY FAVORITE COLOR IS CARROTS!" she laughed hysterically when I cupped my ear, wincing. Badger suddenly popped from the small crowd and came to cling on to her hand.

"Dixie, I think you've had enough to drink, let's put you to bed," he whispered urgently, looking around embarrassed for her outrageous behavior.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Badger, I am a strong, independent woman, and I can go to bed any time I want!" she wobbled on her feet. "Plus, I can do really good impressions, so maybe I can entertain you a little!" she giggled, before suddenly shrieking: "GET TO THE CHOPPA!" She was clutching her stomach as huge chuckles erupted from her, before wiping at her eyes and saying:

"Arnold Schwarzenegger!" Some of the dwarves had confused looks, while others were laughing hysterically as well. It seemed Dixie wasn't the only one drunk. I felt my temper peak again when my tired day began to creep up on me and I rounded on Kili and Fili.

"Why, in all of middle earth, would you give that insufferable _girl _elvish wine!?" I snarled. They winced, leaning a little ways away.

"Uncle, we couldn't really stop her, she threatened us!" whined Kili. I raised a brow.

"If you let a foolish human girl threaten you, than I fear to think how you would survive on a battle field!" I snapped. Dixie had run off to go show Bofur how to talk to plants apparently, while Badger followed her, practically climbing on her to get her attention while Bilbo was busy murmuring that bothersome: '_oh dear.' _

"Uncle, she threatened us in ways that are not mean to be repeated," winced Kili, his hands subtly coming to rest near the front of his tunic. I growled at them once again, but turned when I heard a whoop and a holler when Dixie found her 'third leg.'

"Uncle, really, maybe she needed a little fun anyway. I mean, with the way you snapped at her yesterday," trailed off Fili. Disbelief rose in my chest now, my hands curling into fists.

"And just how exactly should I have treated the situation, Fili? That girl needs to learn responsibility, if she's going to be in this company, I don't want her to harm the life of everyone here!" I hissed. Fili frowned.

"She was trying to _save Badger. _If she didn't, we'd be short one company member, would you want to have that on your shoulders during this journey? You need to let her do what she thinks is right," he pleaded. I snorted.

"If we did what she thought was right, we'd be chatting with plants and petting rocks," I glared at her.

"Uncle, please, maybe Fili's right. The whole company could do with a little relaxing, just a day where we can be friends and brothers," explained Kili. I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. Perhaps they were right. It was obvious to see everyone was cooling down a bit, forgetting about what was at stake for a minute, and worrying about nothing, or in Dixie's case, which rock was softer. I softened my gaze at my nephews, watching as their faces grew hopeful.

"Alright, but you're responsible for her," I sighed, watching as she slumped against a rock, her drunk spell already wearing down, and a headache beginning to form.

"We will uncle," they smiled in unison, before turning to flank either side of her, laughing and kneeling next to her. I shook my head.

That girl was going to be the death of us all.

** Author's Note: See, I told you they would get longer! **

** Anyways, this chapter was really fun to write. Thought I should make Dixie a bit of a Harry Potter fan, because, let's face it, everyone is. Also, did you catch the little thing with Gloin, about the drinking challenge? Yay! I tried to take things from Gimli and tie it in with him, you know what they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! And Badger is basically the responsible parent in this chapter, which I just find adorable with him. **

** So I hope you guys like this chapter, and please review, because they mean a lot to me and I really want to see what you guys think, YOUR OPINIONS MATTER! Thanks guys! **


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